I recently wrote a booklet about grief. I didn’t have to say much in it as it’s mostly the words of animals on the other side who are talking about loss, love, passing over and the things they do on the other side. Preparing to write it sent me off searching for information about grief and believe me, there is a LOT of information about it on the internet.
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This blog won’t be about the various stages of grief, or the fact that we all experience it differently, or any of the usual stuff.
Instead I’m just going to burble on about some observations of mine and add some extracts from my booklet, so that you can get the animals perspective on this subject.
Like this one from Ziva
“I wish I could help you through this time but I can’t. I can only watch and wait, but remember, I’m only happy when you’re happy. So when the time for grieving is over I want to see you laugh and smile, so that I can do the same. I want to see you play and run and I’ll be right beside you. I love you and miss your touch but I know that we’ll be together again because we can choose and I always choose you”
I want to make an admission. I have been guilty in the past of getting fed up with people going on about their loss when I thought they should be dealing with it by now. Of being impatient with them and failing completely to have any empathy. I come from a generation that was close enough to the war to grow up on the idea that people don’t want to hear you endlessly moaning about your grief, any more than they want to hear about your aches and pains or anything else. “Chin up, it could be worse.” “You just have to get on with it.” “Come on now, that’s enough of that.” Even today I think we tend to make people feel guilty or bad if they are struggling to get over their grief even though we know that they are in pain. Thankfully I have gained empathy with the passing years and have suffered losses of my own that have led to a change in my understanding of grief.
In my work I’m often speaking with animals who have passed over because their families are in terrible pain and need desperately to know that they are OK. They need to tell them how sorry they are or how guilty they feel. Grief is bad enough, but when it’s accompanied by guilt and regret it’s a terrible thing. Yet our pets don’t feel that we have any need for guilt.
This is what Carly wanted me to pass on to her daddy
“Daddy, why do you grieve? This life of yours is a temporary thing, as was mine. I didn’t come to live forever, I came to experience that lifetime. You understand about life, death and rebirth. I am here, in my home. You call it heaven because it is just that. Life is an experience, just that. It helps us all to grow. As long as you learn and grow you are on the right path. There is no place on that path for guilt. Grief should be a transitory emotion, replaced with loving memories”
I understand from what the animals have taught me that the act of passing over is gentle for them. They disconnect from their physical bodies at the end so even if we see the body reacting it’s really just the physical machine winding down. Their consciousness is already departing with their beautiful souls.
I asked Star what dying was like
“Passing over? Like gliding through a doorway and into the light. Peace, love, tranquillity but mostly love. We are surrounded by it here”
No matter what we do or how the end happens we usually feel we have let them down in some way.
This is what Ellie had to say to her family when I told her they were sorry if they let her down
“They didn’t. We were together because we had a bond of love. Nothing can change that. It is eternal and I want you to tell them that love is still between us now and we all love each other very much and that is how it should be. I feel like a puppy again and I am free – they need to be free of these feelings – they (she meant the feelings) belong to a past that no longer exists – ‘now’ exists and I am happy and free and we are all still connected by love”
It’s easy for Ellie to say that the feelings belong in a past that no longer exists because not only is she in heaven, but she can come home to visit with her family any time she wants, whereas we are left here. Even though they may visit us in a dream, or we may know they are around us because we catch a glimpse of them out of the corner of our eye, or we just ‘feel’ them, because we can’t bury our faces in their fur or look into their beautiful eyes those times can actually make our grief feel even more intense.
How often have you heard people say that you need to focus on the good times and the fun memories when in reality all you can do is focus on how empty your world is without the one you love? Do you ever feel like thumping someone for saying that? How can they think it’s that easy? Well, of course, it’s not easy. In fact it can be very hard to do. Yet one thing that the animals tell me over and over again is that they didn’t come here to leave us sad. They came to give us happy memories.
I’m going to end this by leaving you with some of their amazing words of love and of wisdom.
Kitsune’s message for mummy
“Mummy, you worry about things that don’t matter. Being together was all that ever mattered, all I cared about. Regrets, happy with this, wishing for that… none of it matters. All that matters is us. Who we were to each other and what we gave to each other. You humans are funny. We know more than you about some things, like what is important and what’s not. We love you for who you are. We accept anything you give us as gifts of love and return gifts of love to you. That is it, all that matters – the love between us. I love you still and always will. You are my mummy and my friend, my love and the being who sits in my heart. Thank you for all you gave me. Thank you for being my mummy”
Khan was asked are you happy?
“How could I be anything else? I am well and in a good place. I can see my family when I want to. Of course I’m happy. But I’ll be even happier when they are free of the deep sadness they still sometimes feel when they think of me”
Chewy’s mummy asked when I die, will you be able to meet me?
“Of course. I will walk by your side into the healing light”
Bentley had this message for his family
“We are all only temporary visitors on the earth. Life is a gift and is meant to be full of joy. Please be joyful when you think of me”
And finally….
Max is a dog who wanted me to share this message with many people and I tell people all the time what he wants us to know about grief
“We had many good times and I want you to remember them more. We all want you to smile and laugh when you think of us. Why do you think we got up to all those antics? It was so that you would have lots of happy memories – not sad ones. If you count the happy memories and the sad ones I hope we left you with many more happy ones. If we didn’t then we failed and I know we didn’t fail. So smile when you think of us. Take out those funny memories and remind each other of the good times we had. I love you – we love you – and you love us, so celebrate the wonderful times we spent together”
I’d like to finish by thanking all the beautiful souls I communicate with for filling our hearts and lives with love.
If you would like a copy of my free booklet, Voices from the Rainbow Bridge, which contain these messages and more from animals on the other side, please go to the bottom of the About page and sign up for
